Resolute Girl

This world of ours is a new world, in which the unit of knowledge, the nature of human communities, the order of society, the order of ideas, the very notions of society and culture have changed, and will not return to what they have been in the past. What is new is new, not because it has never been there before, but because it has changed in quality.

~ J. Robert Oppenheimer

2009 is about to go out the window. A new decade is starting in a a century that a mere 10 years ago had caused panic. No one knew what 2000 would bring and fear that everything would go up in flames, or at least the hard drives would crash, dominated. But still the world is continuing. This is the last Broken Girl entry of the year and I promise to return to my chronology with the coming year, but the holidays have broken that train of thought.

For some reason I have seen a metamorphosis within myself and I am pleased with the results. I only hope I can maintain the momentum through the next year. I equate myself to a bright star. I burn brightly with furious fires only to burn out quickly because such intensity cannot sustain itself. So onto the resolution for the coming year. The things I wish to change so I can retain this course of action.

1. Use the gym membership. I was doing very well until health issues came up in November and then the holidays made it a losing battle. I have 10 months before Dad's wedding and by God I am going to be at least 2 dress sizes smaller! That is not that much to ask is it?

2. Writing goal of at least one submission per quarter. This has been the same goal for the last two years and I've been successful in keeping it. Not so successful in acceptance letters, but at least I am doing something. I am not giving up. I should do a word amount for the day or week but I haven't been able to maintain that since Arizona, six years ago.

3. I am going to be happy. I'm shedding the critical skin and going to accept things. This means that I will be happy in my own skin. I was talking with my counselor the other day and she made a comment that stuck: Compliments mean nothing if you don't feel them. That's been a problem of mine. I haven't felt beautiful or sexy or sweet. Suddenly I've been told that I'm all of these from numerous sources. So who's the one who's wrong? I want to be all those things.

4. Lose the baggage. The past is past. It shaped who I am, it doesn't have to strangle me. This means getting rid of useless knickknacks from previous relationships. Sentimental value means nothing if its shrouded in despair. This also means getting rid of the negative people in my life. Of course that's difficult when one of them birthed me, but I don't have to listen anymore.

5. Be assertive. I've taken small steps this past year in this arena and its time to let fury roll. Ok, that's extreme, but I am not letting myself be walked on anymore. I am better than that.

6. Be ok being alone.

7.Work on learning how to blog. Did a bit better this time, figured out how to insert more than one picture! That's totally worth a gold star!

I think that's it. The hours are ticking away to the new year. A bright full moon takes up the sky. I am trying to read a book that I found to be dreadful before I picked it up, but figure that if I'm going to criticize it, I should give it a fair trial. One chapter in and I'm grinding my teeth... But other than that, I have a date tonight so will ring in the New Year outside of my apartment and among other people. What a novel concept.

Happy New Year's Everyone! I hope the coming year rains blessings upon you. Thank you for your support and comments.

~Andrea Leigh