Medicated Girl

Man should not strive to eliminate his complexes, but to get in accord with them; they are legitimately what directs his contact in the world.

~Sigmund Freud

The human body is amazing. There are so many little things that need to function correctly in order to be healthy and normal. When just one thing is out of balance the entire works are in shut down mode. We are in a time when a pill is the save all; end all.

So many little chemicals are compressed into small pills and if the concoction is just a touch off a person can spiral out of control. It can take several attempts to find the proper mix can take time. Time that the person taking the medication may not have.

My own experiences in medicine are relatively tame. However, it was enough to mess me up. I do believe that part of the reason I had so much trouble coping with everything that happened with my Ex had to do with some prescription changes. I was one of those girls that ended up having to take birth control pills an insanely early age- thirteen. It was either that or face a minimum of half a month of discomfort. In other words it was regulatory more than preventive. At the time there was no reason for it to be preventative.

The main components of these pills are estrogen and progesterone. The two main female hormones. The balance of these two help regulate more than just the reproductive aspect of the body. The mind is influenced and even the changing of a name brand to a generic can hold an effect.

It took me several years to finally find the right cocktail of hormones that worked. I felt a normal for the first time in a long time, just in time to move out of state. In an effort to save some money, since her insurance was out, my mom sent me three months of generic pills. I was on these when I had the incident that mentioned in Bleeding Girl. I did not put two and two together quite yet.

I went back to the name brand and everything settled again. It seemed fine. A number years passed before I had to change.

I had seen a counselor that perscribed a very low dose anti-depressant. It was the least they could give and for awhile it covered the depression, but it was not fixing anything. I felt like I was walking in a cloud. There was a new aspect to reality and I was not caring enough about the important things. I took myself off of the pills shortly after I realized what was going on.

Another reason I was put on the pill was on the off chance that they would help with my migraines. I had done the whole MRI/Cat Scan deal to find out that 1) I am allergic to scan dye and have not had a normal nervous system since and 2) I have a small cyst on a gland in my head. I had not received the news from the neurologist before my regular doctor told me. Problem was he basically told me the wrong information. Saying he did not think it was serious but I should look online to find out more! Yes, I am serious, my doctor told me to go to the internet for medical advice! That was the last time I went to him.

Then I lost my job and could not afford the name brand pills anymore. I could not go to my doctor because I lost all trust in him and my nurse practioner had quit. I had a temporarily solution and that was getting state aid. The only thing I qualified for was the reproduction program. The easiest method of finding a doctor or filling the perscription was Planned Parenthood.

They would not give me my perscription. Evidentally, Planned Parenthood has very intense rules about what they can or cannot perscribe. It did not matter that I had been on the pill for ages and it worked, they did not want to be held liable should something happen. I was on a dual hormone pill and because of my family history they would not allow it to happen. I took the pill they gave me and spiralled out of mind again.

I could not adjust to the pill. To much stress was going on for a medication change. I stopped taking everything. It was fairly risky and I was lucky to not end up pregnant with this move. It was the first time in ten years that my body was functioning solely on its own chemical compounds. It was AMAZING! I could function. I was myself for the first time.

I maintain the medicine free lifestyle. The most I take is the occasional antibiotic or Tylonal and after visiting a chiropractor my migraines are all but gone. I realized that my behavior was influenced by the chemicals levels, but I feared the potential of pregnancy and had to do something. There are very few options for non-hormonal birth control. I decided against going back on pills and settled for the one thing the state program would cover. However, once again I was failed by a doctor who did not use the correct IUD so I did end up with a slight hormone dose. Thankfully, it is light enough and direct enough that my mind can now work and I do not have the fears.