Girl Meets Boy Act 2 Three Sorta Good Months

We always deceive ourselves twice about the people we love- first to their advantage, then to their disadvantage.
~Albert Camus

The next few entries are going to be some of the hardest for me. I'm going to be admitting to being incredibly stupid and naive. I am hoping that those reading this will gain something from it and hopefully be able to avoid making some of my mistakes in their own relationships.

Arguably the first three months were the best of the forty-two months we were together. It was all sparkling clean and new. Finally someone saw me as a woman. More like someone saw me as a love-lorn sucker.

Some things to note: he had just ended a relationship with a long-term girlfriend meaning I was rebound. He did not have his license or a car; too many speeding and/or parking tickets. He did not have a job. The reasoning behind this one was puzzling. The story I was given is as follows:

He did everything for his ex. He paid all the bills, bought her whatever she wanted, treated her like a queen. He got sick of doing this so he quit his job so she would get off her butt and do something. Looking back at this I see how incredibly naive I was to think this was remotely a good thing.

But I was giddy with fresh love and willing to overlook all of these 'minor' things. Who knew if it would even last?

So the days fell into a routine. I would leave for work in the morning and he would either leave with me or I'd go home at lunch to let him out. Yep, instead of letting the dog out on break I was letting the boyfriend out. *facepalm* I would then get done with work around six and we would meet in the parking lot of a local bank. He didn't have a phone either, so I never had a way to get in contact with him. So it was a thrilling anticipation of whether or not he would show or if I was to be alone that marked my evening drive home. Sadly, this is a feeling that I've associated with relationships and am becoming more and more disappointed.

Then we'd go back to my apartment and watch movies. Occasionally we'd go out to eat or go shopping. All these excursions paid for by yours truly. He kept telling me that in his time between leaving my apt and returning he was searching for a job and without seeing proof, such as an application, I believed him. Eventually he talked me into getting an additional line for my cell phone to make it easier to contact. The desperation that I spoke of in one of the High School entries was coming out. I was blind to all the manipulation that was being played on me hard core.

During this time there were still dealings with his ex. She was supposedly pregnant and considering an abortion and wanted him to pay. After claiming no money she went away and admitted to having slept with someone else so it probably wasn't his.

All this I turned a blind eye to. I had a very odd since of what a relationship was supposed to be. I thought that if you toughed it out and stuck through the hard stuff it would get better and you'd be doubly rewarded for it. >.< Not quite the case because if I knew what would come I'd have left him at the mall the first night.

My apartment was above a strip mall and there was a gaming place in that mall. He started disappearing and going there for hours. Some nights he wasn't coming back to the apt. I started to get crazy wondering what I was doing wrong. He finally admitted that he had started drinking again. The one thing he did right was not come by intoxicated.

Then a new problem popped up. In a weird circular fashion, the owner of the gaming shop went to the same high school as me. Yup, 100 miles from home and still found someone from my small town roots. He was older and I never knew him from school but we had mutual friends. Well, the owner had some issues that resulted in an arrest and a bunch of people stayed at the shop while he was away, including his girlfriend. This chick was really pretty and I knew the boy liked her. She first claimed they had sex then claimed rape. Either way, it led to this guy using the back steps of the shop up to my apartment and pretty much invading my home to make threats.

I still don't know the truth of the story. I don't know if he cheated on me with her; I doubt it was rape she was known for her stories and there were other people present. He claimed he was too drunk to do anything anyway. The worst part of this? The fact that I wondered what was wrong with me that he would look elsewhere...


shanaz | My Reverie January 14, 2010 at 8:23 AM  

I'm so sorry you had to went through all of this. But I am sure you came out a stronger person after all said and done.

Andrea Leigh January 15, 2010 at 8:19 PM  

Thank you, I really have. That's part of the reason I started Broken Girl. To either make people aware of the negative possibilities or to prove that you can bounce back from them, eventually.

Mr. Stupid January 16, 2010 at 6:07 AM  

Hi Andrea. Well, thank you so much writing all that pain you went through for us to understand relationships better. I am glad you did fight your way through all of it.
Have a great weekend....:)

Wilmaryad O'Scallas January 22, 2010 at 2:38 PM  

Nobody believes me when I say that men, in general, are the number one source of pain in this world. Women never waged wars against sovereign nations resulting in countless orphans and widows.

I digress.

So sorry to read about the way you were made to think you were at fault; this is, sadly, the product of a crack in our upbringing (parents, why did you have to do this to us?) - I say "our upbringing" because you and I are much alike in that regard.

It isn't your fault you wanted a well-meaning, loyal and loving man to celebrate the amazing woman you are. And it's certainly not YOUR fault this man turned out to be far from the realistic fantasy we all have.

Numerous disastrous heartbreaks taught me that there's nothing wrong with us; we just don't fit into the loved one's reality. Men like to be played to care (if ever), so when they find somebody genuine and loving, they lose interest.

Tell yourself that you're better off without him and be thankful more damages were avoided, apart from the justifiably-fractured self-esteem. Your story reinforces my decision to stop falling for a man.

But then, like I said once on Twitter: "There are no men in this world. There are just brave women and little boys." Enough said.

Andrea Leigh January 22, 2010 at 4:04 PM  

Your post reminds me of a Superchick song: Princes and Frogs

Wilmaryad O'Scallas January 26, 2010 at 3:06 AM  

Haha, this is a fun song!

Trust me, though, some frogs grow to be bigger frogs. But there must be one frog that will become YOUR prince :)

Invite me to the wedding when that happens :D


Welcome to my little part of the blogosphere. I started this blog for the express purpose of proving that no matter what happens in life, you are not alone. I am sharing my stories from my school days, dating disasters, and personal trials.